Rage Rant #5

Last December, Disney released what was (still is for noobs who haven’t seen it yet) the most anticipated movie of the decade – Star Wars: The Force Awakens. As someone who grew up admiring Star Wars, I was extremely excited to watch this movie (was even envious of my girlfriend since she was able to buy her tickets months in advance; theaters here in Hong Kong don’t do those, for some reason). Luckily, I was able to score some opening night tickets (thank you, Pure!) and the movie was awesome…no, it was BEYAWESOME; from the opening crawl to the end scene, I was on a roller coaster of feels and emotions – so much that I didn’t know what to feel coming out of the theater! However, I’m not here to geek out about the movie, I’m here to rant about a theory that spawned out of it. A few days ago, my girlfriend sent me a link through FB Messenger. It was to an article where the author theorized that Rey (one of the movie’s protagonists and had latent abilities to control/manipulate The Force) might be the granddaughter of Obi-wan Kenobi (that’s Ben Kenobi to all you I WORSHIP THE ORIGINALS AND DESPISE THE PREQUEL scrubs). Coming into the article, I was open-minded and thrilled – simply because despite my alignment to the dark-side of The Force, Obi-wan is still my favorite character.

The article started out fine, the author played the nostalgia card and expressed how surreal the movie was. However, out of nowhere, the author revealed that he’s one of those above mentioned scrub and starts bashing on the Prequels. Seriously. What the fudge, man. That moment on, I had a feeling that the article was going to be a complete fail – and certainly enough, I wasn’t wrong. 

After all that bull, the author started listing his reasons why Rey is a Kenobi, which were:

1. Both Rey and Obi-wan had British accents.

2. Both Rey and Ben used Jedi Mind Tricks.

3. Both Rey and Obi-wan/Ben snooped around enemy bases.

4. The way Rey and Obi-wan/Ben dress.

5. Kylo Ren’s real name is Ben Solo.

6. Obi-wan and Ben both appear during Rey’s lightsaber-flashback scene.

7. JJ Abram hints that Rey’s solitude is the key to her origin story.

8. Symbolism of the lightsaber: Ben passing Luke and now the latter passing it back to Rey.

9. Reversal of mentors.

10. Parallels to Kenobi vs Skywalker duels

11. The depthlessness (yeah, deal with it) in Obi-Ben’s character.

12. Star Wars’ knack for grand character reveals and epic plot twists.
As much as I love this theory, I just can’t support it with these reasons. His reasons are just extremely trivial and highly coincidental; some are even factually wrong – and I can’t just let that slide.

First of, Ben Solo. The author talks about the evident influence Obi-Ben Kenobi had over the protagonists of the Originals, to the extent that Han and Leia named their son after Obi-Ben. Are you fudging kidding me? The only one who interacted with Obi-Ben long enough to leave some sort of influence was Luke. Yeah, Leia did the whole “Help us, Obi-wan Kenobi, you’re our only hope.” thing but they never really had the chance to meet. As for Han, he just looked at Obi-Ben as an old wierdo who believed in a bunch of mythical mumbo-jumbo; I think it wasn’t until Luke saved Han from Boba/Jabba when he started (lemme repeat, STARTED) to believe in the force. With that, do you really think they’d name their son after Obi-Ben?

Secondly, the depthlessness of Obi-Ben’s character. Here, the author basically says that Obi-Ben is a plain, bland character who wasn’t developed properly, despite the many opportunities in the Prequels. Again, bashing the Prequels. Seriously, I don’t get why people hate them so much, even with Jar Jar. People complain that it’s too much politics and that characters, plot, and the storyline is all over the place but here’s the thing, Star Wars is a sci-fi, action movie based on intergalactic politics. Of course the Prequels should be about how the Empire was formed; how much power the dark side of The Force had to manipulate, corrupt, and frighten the Jedi, how much influence Senator Palpatine had to have so he could take his throne as the Emperor. That’s why it’s called Star WARS – everyone knows war is just the manifestation of bad politics. As for Jar Jar? He’s actually not a bad character. He’s the perfect example of alien life-form. Think about it, he’s lived underwater his entire life, he’s unlucky as fudge, and Gunguns have a simpler, less tech-y life than the rest of Naboo, or the universe in general! Of course he’d be at his worst in unfamiliar worlds! UGH. I still have so much I want to rant about this matter, but I’ll save that for another post. In the mean time, people, please. Just get your head out of your nostalgic asses and appreciate what is the beauty of Star Wars.

Lastly, I just want to talk about the trivialness of it all. I mean, c’mon. The way they dress, their accents, Jedi Mind Tricks, duel parallels, and reversal of mentors – these are just forced facts. Even Star Wars’ knack for grand character reveals and plot twists is flawed. I mean, with that in mind, there could be also be a possibility that both Rey and Ben are Luke’s children. My evidence? The mystery of Rey’s parents, the unlikeliness of Han and Leia being Kylo’s parents, and the similarities Rey to Luke and Kylo to Leia’s backstory. Luke and Rey were sent and raised in a desert, while Leia and Kylo stayed in “proper” civilization and where raised by people with power.

Again, as much as I would like to support this theory and would absolutely geek out if it ended up being true, the above mentioned evidence just isn’t strong and factually accurate enough to be considered plausible.

Trying to force choke (via mobile) the author for his incompetence, J.

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